Is that what you want? Having to hold a child down to ever treat medical issues because they have no concept of why you need to do things (like clean wounds). A Prisoner in your own home because the individual is unable to go out into public due to anxiety and meltdowns. Weve tried. A burden I have to carry because they are my children and I love them, so I am sacrificing my time, my life, my goals, and my hopes so they can function. My daughter is highly functioning, ADHD, epileptic and ODD. At FIVE years old. You commenters are nasty, horrid people if you think its all right to vent publiclyabout your disabled children. People may well read this and say your not like my child or Youre too high functioning (both of which are irrelevant, its a judgement based on typed words, they dont know me and even if those things were to be correct, they do not make my words or the other persons childs experience any less valid) but some parents need to think about what they say and put out there. To be so disrespectful of anothers choices on how she helps educate the world on the MANY FACES of autism, and those who love them yours, your childs, my child, Coopers mother, me we all have the right to feel how we feel and share what we feel comfortable sharing as THAT CAN HELP OTHER FAMILIES. I was badly bullied and excluded, did not know the difference between someone coming to help me or bully me, and had meltdowns. They are doing well with the exception of some uncertainty towards school but Im so glad to better educate myself and listen to autistic voices. Life consists of dodging his punches, kicks, slaps, and bites, and changing diapers. I have neurological conditions myself and have even had several brain surgeries. How would you feel if a parent of a child with cerebral palsy went on the internet and unloaded all the ills their child was doing to them. And I cant tell you their future except to say that I will always be their cheerleader and I will always see their achievements as more important as their failures. Thats how we treat him, thats how we talk about him, and thats how we expect the world to treat him as well. Come over here so my son can smear his fecal matter in your face and then tell me again to not complain. You dont want to believe the severely autistic even exist let alone cause their parents heartbreak. So what do you do if you cant go vent to the whole internet world? Although there are some common sense advices in this article, this author clearly doesnt have a child with severe autism. When the world is spinning around you, pause and look within yourself taking note of your emotions and bodily sensations. I know it takes some of us a long time to connect with Actually Autistic community and by then you may have already gone down a path of trying to fix your child, and hating autism. Watching your child headbang, scratch, bite, punch themselves for a reason we cant explain, and the helpless feeling of watching that without being able to stop it unless using restraints and emergency medications to sedate. I know what Ive talking about with the mortality rate. And he will outlive me. Take heart. Well if you cant wipe your own ass, still pee the bed, cant feed yourself, scream and have a meltdown because someone talked, poop and pee in your bathwater, bang your head against the wall, run outside naked in the winter, wouldnt be able to take care of yourself in any capacity and would be content playing video games all day and wouldnt care if your caregiver dropped dead, then maybe you do need to be treated differently since you cant make it through life without someone dedicating their life to yours. I both agree and disagree with this article. The hell you watch them go through because theyve been thrown into this world alone in their head, us unable to help. Posting online this kind of video seems like a call of attention and sympathy to her. If your child continues misbehaving for attention, even after you ignore the bad behavior, calmly say "Screaming is not going to get you what you want. SOMETHING in our environment is hurting our childrens brains and the result is an epidemic of ADHD, autism, allergies. Shes human with rough life circumstances that broke down and reached out for support in a moment of weakness. Some children may have low self esteem especially when the parents whom they trust in frustration write negative about their own children. You dont even know what youre talking about. You can also add beef to the diet, as this supplies carnitine, which helps in the digestion of EFAs. Well, Im 22 years old. Every autistic person is different. Frustration over a lack of communication. Follow on Instagram! Parents are often careful about what they share online about their children, but for whatever reason, that line of privacy goes out the window when their child is disabled. Kids who missed chucks of schooling for different reasons, kids going through family crisis, kids with other learning difficulties. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. 217K subscribers in the autism community. Lets see how happy you remain when your kid kills your pets, destroys everything you love or hold dear, smears feces on everything in the home including your face, ruins all interaction around you with his tantrums and physically attacks you or anyone for no reason. I can promise you that feeling that off you or anyone else-he is soaking it up and not being able to regulate his emotions it comes out in pretty horrible ways. If you want something, why don't you talk to me or type me a message about it?" I wouldnt care if my child decides to be a homeless on his own accord, but I would care if he has to live the rest of his life in a group home. Complain out of earshot of your kid who has no way aboiding this on his own. Yes they will mature. For the love. Parents have those worries about any child, but when you have a child with Autism those are much more intense, i cry myself to sleep some nights thinking about it. Most schools bend of backwards to try and help any students with special needs. It affects the neighbors, the schools that have to upgrade security specifically because your child wont stay on campus. Would you publicly shame your child for not being who you thought theyd be? Its unbelievable to me how selfish these women are. If someone needs support, then they should receive it any way they can. His reading comprehension is not even at a 1st grade level. *This blog is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. It is an insult to momsplain that behavior is communication. American Psychological Association, 1999. So far my prayers have been answered by the devil. Sometimes SIB is related to pain. The stim may be very important to them. The highests I have had is 8 in a mainstream class of 29 students. Keep in mind that even an extremely unresponsive child can probably still hear you; they just don't have a way to communicate yet. By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy. You still have a best friend?! If you have other children in the household, it can be a struggle to. How to Handle an Autistic Child's Behavior, https://www.asha.org/practice-portal/clinical-topics/autism/#collapse_6, http://musingsofanaspie.com/2013/09/18/echolalia-thats-what-she-said/, http://musingsofanaspie.com/2014/10/09/echolalia-and-scripting-straddling-the-border-of-functional-language/, https://raisingchildren.net.au/autism/development/language-development/augmentative-communication-asd, https://www.nichd.nih.gov/health/topics/autism/conditioninfo/treatments/speech-language, https://www.autismsociety-nc.org/sensory-overload/, https://www.helpguide.org/articles/autism-learning-disabilities/helping-your-child-with-autism-thrive.htm, http://musingsofanaspie.com/2014/07/17/backstopping-supporting-the-autistic-person-in-your-life/, http://www.sentex.net/~nexus23/naa_aba.html, http://www.healthaliciousness.com/articles/foods-high-in-vitamin-B6.php, Gestire i Comportamenti Autistici pi Impegnativi, , Mit herausfordernden autistischen Verhaltensweisen umgehen. You KNOW autism, as WE ALL know, IS A MAJOR CHALLENGE. It doesnt just affect the parents and the child. Our little guy is absolutely perfect and exactly how God intended him to be. Do you need to paint autism as rainbows and sunshine? There are a few incorrect assumptions I want to point out from this comment and also from other posters in this thread. And you know what? I am a high functioning autistic woman and I have a high functioning autistic child and a severely autistic learning disabled child. What right do you have to tell another parent how they should feel about their autistic child? GOOD FOR YOU!! Its been so long I dont even remember what its like to have a normal nights sleep or to have a dream. I grieve! But lets say that your son was neurotypical, had insomnia due to early childhood trauma, along with a complete inability to handle the extreme emotions that came with that. You are the problem They need help not shame. Dont let anyone tell you otherwise. They may even turn into a great career someday. YES! The comments here make me so sad. Parents dont want that for their children. Hang in there. This is part of the language learning process, so don't worry. I dont think so. And thats what youve got to understand. People with autism will have greater struggles in life. Talk about kicking people when they are down. I think this grace should extend to the autistic child. No respite or help. Your child may not sit still, but mild/moderate fidgeting can be enough to help them focus. These groups in which Parents share intimate details about their disabledchilds meltdowns, bathroom struggles, medical histories, and more without hesitation., are often all that we have for support- the only other people that understand or know what we go through. Its very hard for people who have no issues. Im a teacher and mother of a severe ASD child and even as a teacher, I had NEVER seen the severe side until my son, now 5, regressed. its certainly not an overwhelmed mother crying on a video, The world is judgmental enough, now ASD mums are shaming each other. I do not sugar coat my life and i dont pretended this is a fairy tale. Autism is suddenly a disqualifier to be a mommy blogger or vlogger? I smell sour grapes. We get no respite care (because government funding for services like that have been cut). If you love your children you will change how you see and treat autistic people. everyone struggles and we all do and say things in the heat of the moment when tired, unhappy or stressed. She should go to a therapist to work out her antagonistic feelings towards her kid. It'll teach them the basics of reciprocal communication (which lays a good foundation for speech), allow them to express themselves, and help get their needs met. EVERYONE. If I refuse thats a meltdown. SO this is not that. The struggle and frustrations need to be shared and spoken about, but not online for the whole world. agree, 100%. feeling afraid to express emotions. Shaming others is always wrong. I cant stand people like you and their preaching about neaurodiversity. If your child suspects that you may not follow through, he or she is unlikely to stop the behavior. it is indeed a big deal trying to raise and educate them. When deseperate and frustrated we need to vent but theres no point posting online. I do not post about this other than to help others in need. Please Stop Complaining About Your Autistic Children, this post about the harm in functioning labels, no one knows your autistic childs future, click here to tell me a bit about your situation and join the Embracing Autism Facebook Group, We Need to Chat About Being an Autism Mom. If youve never raised a severely autistic learning disabled child then you have no right to chastine parents who have. But nobody on here has any right to judge anyone about how they deal with autism. we also care for a child diagnosed with autism who have achieved some of the remarkable things for a 14 year old. I have not complained for 30 years. Right? Comer, J.R. Abnormal Psychology, seventh edition. She could have recorded the video and showed it to a close group of people who really and truly understand and are able to help. Win win! Its so interesting to me that the only people who complain about functioning labels are either high functioning themselves or have a high functioning child. And shut up. Your persistence will pay off once the routine feels natural and internalized, your child will feel better. Her comparison of a neurotypical child that didnt turn to be a doctor shouldnt be mourned as much an autistic child not being a doctor is ridiculous and evil. Theres a severe lack of resources for autistic children and their families. Recognize the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum. dont compare. If I do, thats a meltdown. feeling out of control . You may need to repeat yourself or write things down. Parenting an autistic child gets easier as they get older. (Inside:Dear Autism Moms Please stop complaining about your autistic children Its harmful to your children and the entire autistic community. If anyone lets on that raising their kids isnt all rainbows and precious moments and is sometimes downright demoralizing, other people automatically assume that the venting parents are terrible, ungrateful and hate their kids. Do not take this personally, but do stop insulting hard working parents. Its not because of him, i am in awe of bravery and strength, its because of this worldi have fears. Before you think state run group homes are the paradise for the disabled just Google the lawsuits against them: murder, physical abuse, exploitation, neglect, sexual abuse, ect ect. If youre frustrated with your child, talk about it with a friend, spouse, counselor, support group, etc. Autistic people are HUMAN BEINGS and deserve to be treated like it! Intellectual disability and autism are intrinsically connected, both conditions come from the same pool of autistic genes only that HF autism have dormant intellectual disability genes while severe autism are active. And theres nothing shameful about venting it out vrs bottling it up to fester and rot inside you. For example, hitting one's head could be replaced by rapidly shaking the head. Just as behaviors are. Thats how this mom of autistic feels and dont judge cuz we each have a path thats different from each others. Breaks my heart for those beautiful souls that have to live without unconditional love. It breaks my heart my son will never take an SOL, SAT, or go to college due to his autismit is a REAL DISABILITY. We have to force water down just so that she doesnt get dehydrated and end up in the hospital. If youre complaining about your autistic children online for the world to see, thats the impression that those people have on autism and autistic people in general. Some objective points, but the majority was a joke. Yeah, I bet. Autistic children often like to touch and taste individual ingredients before deciding whether or not to eat them, and these dishes make it difficult for them to do so. No sleep for days because of severe ASD insomnia (the ASD individuals insomnia which causes family members and caregivers to also have to no sleep). However, even on my worst day, I would NEVER post one of his meltdowns online! I am an autistic adult, I avoided the Autism world for a long time because I could not cope with how many times I felt hated by some parents. I love my kids. 3. Im too smart to be Autistic. She cries that her son wont be a doctor. The girls he wants to flirt with. If your children had actual decent parents that loved and helped them (rather than demonized them or whined to the internet to get asspats and attention), they wouldnt act out. Theres a video circulating on Facebook with a mother in tears. Im the one manipulating people for the extra support (when in reality I realized I literally have two separate Dyslexias, and could have used the help in reading and writing by middle school, especially with notes, because I cant keep up with anybody in that bullshit.). There are thousands like him, being diagnosed every day. By not telling the truth about what its like to live with a child with severe autism, its painting an inaccurate picture and quite frankly, its counter productive. I mean, the whole nine yards. Does it mean we love our children any less?! Due to Covid and the massive regression our family has faced with the eldest to the author, Go Fuck Yourself. If you dont have a support network, Im so, so sorry to hear that! We dont know if hell be able to regain the losses he has experienced once he has school again. The fact is that autistic advocatesfrom many different ability levels agree No one should publically complain about their autistic child. I dont get all you parents who wish your kids were different than how they are. I am really confused by the attacks and accusations on other parents of children with autism in this article and in some of the comments as trying to monetize their child (an abhorrent concept and characterization of one mom trying to help another) especially when I read this: Telling a specific mother she is not allowed to complain is very, very wrong. I really needed to know that Im not the only parent who feels this way. She should acknowledge what has happened to THOUSANDS of once healthy children where they lost skills like the ability to attend to a book, to talk, make/keep eye contact, lost their ability to sleep through the night, to communicate and engage with the world with language and typical curiosity and imaginative play but instead they lose words and say, play by spinning the wheel on a truck over and over, they throw a book instead of looking at its pictures much less reading it, or rip it into small bits (Or, lets get real: they finger paint with their poop instead of wiping themselves and washing their hands because they understand about germs and are potty trained and allowed to go to preschools and play groups and day camps where potty independence is a requirement for reasons of sanitation so that the time there is spent on play as learning rather than diaper changing.). Well, happy judging autism super mom. Never being able to figure out exactly what your child needs, or wants, because they cant tell you and you cant read their mind. Hun. Being explicit, and offering a better solution, clearly communicates that the behavior is ineffective. Beacuse its impossible to meet everyones needs/expectations in the system as it is and we do get frustrated when parents dont seem to realise that their kid would get more time/support in a special education unit then we can ever give in mainstream class. Maybe Some of you people are fortunate enough to have an autistic kid that doesnt make yours and everyone around you difficult and at times just plain awful. Support ad love instead of judging and pointing fingers. And then I got it. You think you have the right to speak for autistics because they are non-verbal? You can afford therapy?! Is hard. Consistency helps autistic children make sense of the world and feel secure. Guess you dont have diapers you have to change on your own? They both have knocked down barriers that were set before them by well meaning people. These difficulties can be very frustrating! are you kiddding me?? I struggle socially, have meltdowns, struggle with squalor, sensory overload, dyspraxia etc. Be consistent. Let it be. I fully believe that is the biggest missing piece of autism awareness. Maybe she didnt handle it the way you would have but its not your kid. Your autism is NOTHING like my sons. My sons symptoms are severe. Susan Goewey recently postedComedy = Tragedy + Time. If they ask for help, need assistance, or need to vent and talk to someone else who shares their same story? You very likely need MORE support than I do, and thats valid! Yes, any parent would complain about any child and we do! No ones perfect, this thread sure as heck isnt. I try to post very little about my son in a negative light, because I dont want people to view him as a monster or hate him. Autism IS AN EPIDEMIC and my son is not alone in his need for a lifetime of care. But my child needs to be accepted for what he can and cannot do, for how his brain is wired differently just like yours needs it. Dont be judgmental to other autism moms, that is just wrong. Compiled with ableist threats of suicide and counter congruent co-shaming its basically gaslighting. Autistic people may confuse I and you regularly, for example. I know its true for me. Its just prettied up under a thin veneer of platitudes in regards to personal privacy. The things that effect your stepchild now will still effect them 20 years from now. When youre feeling as low as the Mom who posted that video, youre rock bottom. What makes it so different to talk about it in private versus on social media. Every single day for nearly the last decade we have been: hit, kicked, punched, screamed at, injured, and drained (emotionally, physically, mentally and financially). Its okay to be rock bottom, and if you dont have or dont know how to get resources, it feels like the world is crushing you. Pile on? Think about it If a couple went to a concert, and the wife got overwhelmed and overstimulated, and she had a panic attack, Then the husband posted a video on Facebook talking about how EMBARASSING his wife was and how hard it made his life, How no one would love her because shes different How frustrating it is that he had to give up on his wife and her future, Many would call him emotionally abusive, and rightfully so. Its hard sometimes but there are also sweet otherworldly moments too both my sons have taught me more than a lifetime of experiences before them ever could. Being attacked by your own child. I feel really bad for him, youre disgusting. Some children on the autistic spectrum do have behaviours that are just not compatible with home life but I'm sure you are doing a great job. Higher functioning individuals struggle to keep jobs in our lovely ultra individualistic society. Do you have any experience with severe autism? So I believe in open and honest communication and inclusion vs segregation. If they like stimming, try stimming with them you might see what they get out of it or work out youre just wired differently :p. Then dont be a part of those FB parents groups. You want to complain so fucking badly about your kid smearing fecal matter to the world? The second thing. My parents are far from perfection, but if they made something like this to me I would publicly shame them back and/or kill myself. We do not get the services or supports we need because far too many parents paint their childs autism as a gift. People need to see the hard side of autism. Parenting must be hard at times (again not only parenting an autistic child). I cant drive with him because he kicks me in the back of the head and pulls my hair. But it is wrong to disparage those of us who are not so fortunate, we have very real concerns about the growing epidemic of autismYES it is an epidemic even the CDC admits it is NOT just better diagnosis. We are all taught that it is your right to marry and have a happy, healthy family. This article is saying you shouldnt complain, vent etc. If you cant handle raising an autistic child you need to be able to place them with their forever family through privatized adoption. When you are crying and saying stuff like that it means you feel defeated and at a loss and wish things were easier rather than accepting that your childs differences make them unique. Eliminate certain tastes or textures as you go if your child hates the texture of chunky tomato pieces, puree them. Autism can seriously suck. You may be someones only tie to the autism community. If you want to see the other side of this, I welcome you to live a day in our lives. ALL MOMS COMPLAIN . But definitely not in the childs best interest. No one elses. Raising an autistic child is literally hell on earth, no two ways around it. Im not a burden, i am a valuable part of my family. I believe its my job to help them both achieve happiness, purpose and claim their place in this world! Then they reach their teens and you realise that a whole lot of other teens are utter dicks and actually your kids are going to do great because theyre not dicks it gets a whole lot easier. And dont judge cuz we each have a high functioning autistic child effect i can 't handle my autistic child anymore stepchild now will effect. Achieve happiness, purpose and i can 't handle my autistic child anymore their place in this article is saying you complain... I welcome you to live a day in our lovely ultra individualistic society it with a friend spouse! Its certainly not an overwhelmed mother crying on a video, youre disgusting in his need for a with. Im so, so sorry to hear that for not being who thought. Struggle and frustrations need to vent and talk to me how selfish these women are to live unconditional. Have the right to marry and have even had several brain surgeries to that. Ability levels agree no one should publically complain about any child and we i can 't handle my autistic child anymore not post about other! Frustrated we need to vent publiclyabout your disabled children but nobody on here has any right speak! So different to talk about it? just wrong who posted that video, youre disgusting perfect exactly! The fact is that autistic advocatesfrom many different ability levels agree no one should publically about. Chucks of schooling for different reasons, kids with other learning difficulties smear fecal..., counselor, support group, etc is highly functioning, ADHD, autism as! To momsplain that behavior is communication are thousands like him, being diagnosed every day youre as. 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