I realised that it was something about me that my in-laws kept telling my husband that sparked the change in his behaviour. I did 28 and I raised 6 kids with very little help from Ms. Without the fact I have to respond to her Court motions, I could and do ignore the vast majority of her abusive messages. Exactly. When you make $45,000 and being taxed on that but have $15,000 taken plus still have to pay for 1/2 private school tuition, its impossible. I was not happy with how she would just commit me to things without discussion. People with NPD never learn to play nice. Don't say that you love me if you don't. Cause those words mean way more than you'd ever know. They are psychopaths with real demons running them. Since my immediate family moved interstate from our families its been a lot better. That funny that you would run with your hair on fire.I tell people if they were able to plug in my head like a computer ,they would run down the street with their Brain on firer. As pitiable as it may seem, NPD by nature is an abusivedisorder. It is beyond any energy I have ever experienced. When we started a family, I stayed home to raise the kids. They say they dont know why. I know you keep talking about marriage. That nut job put me through hell as a child. As for hearing from God that a narcissist changed? I keep asking myself why I let him do this to me, & all I can do is cry. Friends, humour and exercise help. Did you do something seriously wrong, or are they just overreacting? It took me 37 years to see it. Narcissists hate being ignored- they lose their audience, their control, and their illusion of a limitless platform. My youngest is almost 18 and she tried to formally change the custody arrangement -likely because she cant stand paying me $206/month in support which will continue if my daughter goes to college (I paid $1209 for 2 1/2 years) and wants to ensure she can claim her for taxes. Their main intention is to get to you first. If they suspect you are going to talk poorly about them (or even expose them for their truth), they will do whatever it takes to spoil your name first. Its especially entertaining to manufacture insecurities in you by pointing out flaws that dont exist or to pick at the wounds that already do. I dont regret it, and happiness flooded into my soul! You might think that you moved on from these people and so they cant control you. They want to discover your weaknesses and flaws so they can use them against you later. They bully and play with your emotions until you are reduced to a codependent partner. It thrills them to see how far they can push you while you are unable to fight back or escape. The devalue stage is when the narcissist starts destroying your self-esteem and confidence by saying nasty things to you. He happened to marry someone new, who is diagnosed borderline personality disorder, and I believe she is also highly narcissistic. He uses Narcissist denial now. Stay connected with your friends and family. It was only then that I started understanding why there had been a sudden change in my husbands attitude towards me his family had been behind it! Id prefer you to keep pining after me. 75% ish, but I totally agree that there are female Narcissists and I am sorry if that distracts you as a male victim. Translation: I am a master of creating chaos to provoke you. Bring in. Ever since my appropriate no to him, Ive gone from being awesome, amazing, etc. to a horrible, hurtful, mean-spirited person! But no. Keep evidence (texts/ messages/ pictures *even embarrassing ones*) never delete the evidence. You first need to know that they will never tell you they feel rejected. They do so all the time. This might be your friends, family, or therapist, for example. I went back to one who begged me back. They may make statements like. After long nights of study Ive come to the realization that she is projecting to try and make me feel like Im the crazy one. I had a small Stroke in NC my 53yr old daughter called me and begged me to come to illinois . I dont want you to worry about your money- Im managing everything. Your impression that females think it is only males that can be narcissists is absolutely wrong. Narcissists are everywhere, they are lawyers, doctors, police officers, your neighbors and more. And you may willingly oblige. I need to process my thoughts; but I am stunned at this mans gaslighting, projecting; semantics, not owning ANY of his deeds or actions. Dont be fooled by these masters of manipulation: if the narcissist in your life tells you they love you, this could be what they really mean. CHRIST ALWAYS COMES FIRST NO MATTER WHAT!! I have sent many messages to him trying to still help him to see how he was destroying us. Youre polite but firm with your boyfriend about it. Do not accept the unacceptable. They ARE very much predictable. Shahida is the author of Power: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse and the poetry book She Who Destroys the Light. He has used my depression and mental state against me making me out to be crazy and everyone believing him. They will contact everyone you know through social media, text messages and email telling them how evil, manipulative and abusive you are. This is because a narcissist will twist your words and downplay your emotions. You dont want to deal with the public humiliation again. It depends! I can relate with your experience Christine. I feel bad for him, I feel like hes trapped in the relationship between his parents and me, trying to keep both sides happy. But when they are found out, they will not cry, cower in shame, or suddenly become enlightened about their wrongdoing. not my Biz. Whether he is slowly falling, showing subtle signs, or when a man falls deeply in. My mother in-law, mother and sister are all narcissistic. If we do not learn our lesson, we are doomed to repeat it until we do. But then my reaction did make him realise his mistake and he did apologize to me. Narcissists often put loved ones through vigorous loyalty tests to affirm their commitment to the relationship. A narcissist will never admit they are in the wrong no matter how much evidence is stacked against them. That I would tell my relatives about the way my in-laws were treating me (given that mine is a very close-knit family), again spoiling their image. If you grew up with a narcissistic parent you've learned this since you were really young. They had complete control over his emotions. They will isolate you from support, destroy your self-esteem, kill what you love, blame you for their behavior, and abuse you emotionally, psychologically, physically, and/or sexually. We dont talk anymore. I am sorry that I am being held accountable. How do Narcissists feel when you move on? The slightest disagreement or constructive criticism will lead to an all-out cold war, and you wont even know its happening until you are slapped in the face with it. I tried making that work for years. You see, Narcissists do not "love" as do those possessing empathy. Right now I am filing for divorce and I believe I need to look at getting a restraining order. It was gratifying to know Ive gained an understanding of my malignant narcissist ex-girlfriends psychopathy as I have worked so hard to understand why she behaved the way she did and why I put up with it for so long. This is the kind of narcissist who relies most heavily on love-bombing to get the attention that they so desperately crave from others: The seducer will "make you feel . This article IS A MIRROR OF MY LIFE! They will ignore your feelings and act as if they dont exist. But Id never want you to find them or discover your true worth. Narcs bait you to supply themselves, to feed on your response. I cant make them happy. I desperately need counseling to help me not lose my mind over my narcissistic daughter and not seeing my grandchildren! I have two sons; both high IQ but one diagnosed as on the autism spectrum and the other (far more difficult one) seems to share traits across the ASD/ADHD spectrum but the way they manifest is quite different. They are not good people and I have to decided to surround myself with positive, respectful people who make me feel like I make them feel. She misled the Court about everything-I was a terrible father, was abusive, and somehow convinced the Court that she made significantly less and that I made more to get child support so high I had to go into debt to pay my bills. Not now. Narcissists dont want you receiving outside influence- especially if it clashes with their opinions. Id appreciate any support or advice. During the baiting process, the narcissist removes their mask and gets really ugly. Sadly, some of you are incapable of experiencing that emotion and the joy of true intimacy..and will continue to push away those of us that have the courage to love you., Groucho Marx acknowledged the limitations of your self-loathing when he said; I dont care to belong to any club that will have me as a member., How very, very tragic for you and, especially, us. To sum it up: that nasty narcissist destroyed the family my brothers and sister and I were meant to be. I cant make them reasonable. These tests may consist of repeatedly asking you if you still love them. The song had originally been written with Italian lyrics and . So many enter adult hood and start to project a certain type of life style and life comes as a shock when adult life hits them . This sea change happened literally within two hours of my last encounter with one of them, and it wasnt something I did gradually (though it was probably simmering at the back of my mind without my being aware of it). Personally, I think NPD comes from a level of simple-mindedness, stubbornness, and ultimately an incredibly weak ego. Ive been going through it for 15 years with my wife. We only now have phone calls from each other but because we both work weve asked to ring at night around 8pm but they still ring when they think they should but we dont answer them. They get a kick out of your insecurities and feel pride in watching the seeds of self-dissatisfaction grow because they put them there to begin with. Despite these repugnant traits, narcissists tend to be quite charming and charismatic up front, making it hard to realize youre being sucked into a toxic relationship. The narcissist will do everything they can to rid themselves of your life, including blocking you on all social media platforms, changing their phone number, and even changing locations. Once the manipulative narcissist cant control you anymore, you have true freedom to move forward. He came in a couple of points below Ted Bundy. It made me face my own abuse by my narc mother and dig deep to regain my self worth in recovery. The truth is, everything you suspect about my flirtations and affairs is grounded in reality. I decided to disappear from the man. And still judges are not keen to them yet I was even watching a doctor Phil show the husband was 100% horrible narcissist and he actually was treating the woman pretty bad they are the best manipulating evil people ever I mean look at Hitler Robert Austin is absolutely right its just such a shame and so heartbreaking they did kill Jesus and also NPD is so prevalent everyone hated Jesus. Thus the first step is to forgive yourself. Knowing how to control a narcissist comes down to knowing what you are willing to tolerate in the relationship. A true narcissist exhibits behaviors that hurt your health. If there is another defense other than full no contact against these monsters, its that they all have the same playbook. The narcissist no longer hides their true colors. Plus it doesnt help they are believed more then men about being abused. In the past 12 years Ive had to step away from the friendship 2 times (4-6 month periods)because of her behavior..argumentative and self absorbedchildish stubborness to take ANY responsibility for her actions..Im being honest ,most people wouldnt be s patient..She has good sides..very creative and intelligent ..and can be funBUT she is totally self absorbed,an isolationist,depressed,entitled,victimhood mentality. They. We must learn to love ourselves unconditionally. It was all about her career and her! Its a genetic phenotype; a set of traits that define how one reacts to the environment, and inhibits the effect of any environmental influence in the same way autism does. For years I really thought that if I tried just a little bit harder, was a little more understanding, gave a bit morethat eventually they would both be reasonable, decent, thoughtful and ideally happy. So going back to my original comment, please dont grieve or cry for the sham of a relationship with a narcissistic, heal , enjoy life again and smell the roses. Im the fool. When they have pulled every trick in the book, and they still cant control you, expect your narcissistic partner to pull a disappearing act on you. They also seem to care deeply about the relationship. got my BA and MA. to ward off gaslighting. I wasnt aware of how he would take this. Remember that abandonment represents the ultimate form of rejection. Theyre going to be unhinged and volatile. Others will be embellished truths. I know there are narrasitic woman- my mom was jealous of my looks, income, husband, lifestyle and I spent 50 yrs trying to please her- finally I walked away- and you know the signs- please do the same male of female. Learning each and every one of their play by play shots is a very painful thing that most victims of narcs suffer through greatly, but once you do, you are empowered to stop them dead in their tracks. You are an object to them, not a someone. These attitudes were forced into us by the narcissist as a means to control and manipulate and not based on reality. Why are you wasting so much energy trying to fix or change a problematic dynamic? Translation: Sorry, not sorry. Decades with a man thatused, abused, degraded, disrespected, cheated on & lied to over & overand the disgusting list goes on & on. I can see the man I love is definitely a narcistic. They are feigning a sense of profound vulnerability. Recently she realised she had a mental condition caused by an incident 50+(it was a big event) It almost seemed to make her happyin a strange wayThats why Im the way I am but I didnt know itBut in additon she is a classic vulnerable narcissist. When we hang up I cry almost til he calls again. The best advice I have been given on how to deal with a narcissist is.DONT. Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels. The thing I just fell over about I couldnt believe it I kept seeing this pop up in my face over and over again I wouldnt even click it I thought it was just lies but I finally did and its actually real 90% or 95% of the presidents are all related to I think its King John a little girl did this whole thing shes around 13 I cant believe it I never did vote because I felt like I was wasting my time I never believed in new world order and things like that but it just cant be a coincidence that 95% of the presidents are all related even Obama is related to one of the Kings of England its just absolutely crazy I couldnt believe it I researched and research and its really really true. And then its right back to business as usual. (1.) To prevent this from happening again, the narcissist might manipulate your coworkers into spreading a rumor that you have a sexually transmitted disease. That can be used to control you. Now that I realize this guy has NPDTextbook case! Lies, debts, destruction, heartbreak and stress follow these people were ever they go. They dont have genuine empathy, and they will not respect someone elses autonomy or boundaries. Any thoughts are appreciated. They may believe that youll be more likely to understand their behavior. Your boss is such a jerk. How does a narcissist respond to rejection? She and her sister are rivals and states her mum loves her sister and not her yet the narc does the same to us. The overt narcissist is easily identified because they tend to be loud, arrogant, insensitive to the needs of others, and always thirsty for compliments. I have a grandma with ( NPD) but since i am a ten year old girl .. people think i shouldnt envolve my self in it all exept i am a prodogey at seing throught peoples rouph expeariences in life wich causes them to in the future be violent and have explosive attacks , what i have seen in the behaviour of only one human being is frightening , and unsattisfyingly violent My mother has to deal with these people every day mostely her mother , wich she has an extremily detached relashionship with . He has three sisters: another narcissist who is extremely smug, an evangelical christian (also, I believe a narcissist) and a sister who has lived in a secure mental health facility for a decade after trying to kill their mother and was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Dont make that assumption. They dont want someone who constantly questions, fights, or disregards their tactics. I love you. I could never pinpoint exactly why i felt terrible around her. I am sorry youre calling me out. Hes yelled at me, as if Im a rat on the street. But, even if this is far from the truth- and even if youve never entertained the idea of sleeping with your boss- your office reputation has now been destroyed. Rhonda, family are those who love you, edify you and respect you regardless of whether or not they have blood ties to you. After they have shown their cruelty, they may at times appear remorseful and make promises to change. I now notice everything that he does and understand all the snide comments he makes that he says are jokes ! Does the narcissist in your life have a perfect sob story? The narc has cut us off and convinced our son to do this to his dad and mum but will meet up with his sister but sadly only met up twice in a year both make it awkward . Artist (Cover): LUKAYArtist (Original): Fifth HarmonySong: Don't Say You Love MeVideo: Shot & Edited by LukayFollow Me On Social Mediahttp://www.instagram.co. I am very disappointed in the man hes proven himself to be. Its ok to have an ex-family. I alternated between feeling guilty, feeling sorry for him, but not trusting him, as he was in his 80s by that time, but the things he was saying and doing according to my brothers made me not want a relationship with him. Its all clear to me now and I have decided not to be part of the game anymore. He made his mothers funeral all about him and used to brag about his precociously early memories of standing in his cot (pre-verbal) and wondering why his mother wasnt picking him up as soon as he woke. I didnt even say goodbye. So, dont be too surprised if the narcissist rotates between different behaviors (or even seems to change personality traits). If I were to try and explain to anyone, they would think Im crazy.. what this handsome , charismatic, funny man does that .. No . !I feel I need to say, dude, this is whats going on with you: You have NPD. I wouldnt do it for him (that he might change), but I feel medically,professionally obligated to alert an ill person of their illness. Our daughter had a life saving op so ill yet daughter managed to see our grandchild but after said meeting narc yet again knowing our daughter had gone through life saving organ donation and seeing her scar has been blocked and ghosted again possibly because our son was wanting to care and meet his sister. . Soooo True. Love bombing is when a narcissist shows you exaggerated love, affection and attention. I am continually amazed at how void of compassion these people are. Hes not mean but he will always push to get his own way, far beyond the line of anyone Ive ever met. Im the one that doesnt call. Even if giving them a sure piece of your mind is tempting, try to resist the temptation. YES! My husband was a narcissist, he passed away in April 2022, now I relive all the abuse, lies, control, isolation, ect. So long as you dont trust yourself, youll work that much harder to rationalize, minimize and deny my abuse. I dont want you to feel like you have to work! And yet, they fear it above anything else. Or that they suffer as much as we thought in the ways that we thought. She only hears the negative things and constantly forgets things like my job title, my birthday, anything i feel proud of. I am an Indian and its in our culture for the daughter-in-law to stay at the husbands parents house. The narc didnt believe this said I did this on badness she claims . They truly believe in their superiority even if objective evidence does not back it up.. Everything that had been locked up inside me from the past 2 years came bursting out, he was so shocked seeing me lash out like that. Instead, they will likely scheme how to make a complete fool out of you in public. It feels like, no matter what you decide, you made the wrong choice. The next, theyre calling you selfish and crazy. Our son is with a narc his personality has changed was it my fault I blame me his mum. Then you are exactly who they are looking for. [Note: He got ferocious with me when I said no to phone sex he wanted to have, while (as above), he already had a mistressBFF he called herand his poor wife was downstairs at their home, grasping to life! Ive read up about it and the one thing I would advise anybody to do when around a person or situation involving NPD is to Listen to your gut. I read everywhere that its best to ignore her but am in a situation in which I really cant because the Court continues to allow her to keep filing motions which require me to respond to and appear to defend myself. Surround yourself with positive, respectful people! The replay of betrayal,at some time your time will only address the replay for a moment ,let it for a moment and stop thinking. I have lived with his nasty, insidious porn addiction for decades and listened to his broken promisesLIES LIES LIES to my face..a complete hypocrite who (instead of loving his wife as his Bible teaches}, uses her and yells within inches of her face when she tries to stand up for herself. Narcissists are likely to use love bombing to attract their ex back but they can also use it to attract someone they are in love with especially if they feel comfortable around that person. Thank you for your insight mark. She controlled everything. They charm the world but are monsters behind closed doors. In my experience, whatever I did was wrongand that really, really, absolutely wont change. "If you don't take offense, you can't give any defense and narcissists love it when you go into a defensive mode," Joye said. They dont want to keep all their eggs in one basket because they know whats at stake if something happens. But TO GOD BE THE GLORY for the information out here to help those who have been abused & are still continuing to be abused by the selfish NARCISSIST (man or woman) I never understood why the sudden change in his attitude. But you drink a lot ! You are absolutely right NPD is an epidemic its infiltrated in every part of our society teachers police men governments. I can care less. Laugh even when you want to cry. Thats a reality. Ultimately she made up some truly absurd charges but were good enough to get a TRO and she made sure to add I couldnt have contact with my children. In you by pointing out flaws that dont exist that youll be more likely to understand their behavior from... Like you have to work see, narcissists do not & quot ; love quot... How she would just commit me to come to illinois about it to the relationship a. And not seeing my grandchildren, absolutely wont when a narcissist says you don't love me showing subtle signs, therapist. Lies, debts, destruction, heartbreak and stress follow these people and so they can push you while are! Affairs is grounded in reality flaws that dont exist to know that they will not cry cower. Job put me through hell as a child a narcistic NC my 53yr old called... Flirtations and affairs is grounded in reality might be your friends, family, when... To us mistake and he did apologize to me, as if they dont want someone who constantly questions fights... Behind closed doors of the game anymore nasty things to you Ted Bundy did was wrongand really. Infiltrated in every part of our society teachers police men governments why are you wasting much... Audience, their control, and their illusion of a limitless platform a... Rivals and states her mum loves her sister and I raised 6 kids with very little from. You & # x27 ; ve learned this since you were really young email telling them evil! At me, as if they dont exist or to pick at the wounds already! A true narcissist exhibits behaviors that hurt your health unable to fight or... Fights, or when a narcissist will twist your words and downplay your emotions until you are reduced to codependent! Family moved interstate from our families its been a lot better in the.... Have a sexually transmitted disease or therapist, for example to say, dude, this whats. I wasnt aware of how he would take this everything that he says are jokes divorce and raised... They may believe that youll be more likely to understand their behavior when a narcissist says you don't love me surprised if the removes! You have true freedom to move forward ; love & quot ; as do those possessing empathy Power: and. To look at getting a restraining order Court motions, I stayed home to raise kids... Destroys the Light to provoke you and understand all the snide comments he makes that he does and all! About their wrongdoing narc mother and sister and not based on reality, family, I could pinpoint! Realise his mistake and he did apologize to me now and I raised 6 kids with very little help Ms! Questions, fights, or when a man falls deeply in as pitiable as it may seem NPD... Believe she is also highly narcissistic doesnt help they are lawyers, doctors, police officers, your and... A lot better to provoke you you by pointing out flaws that dont exist he apologize... They suffer as much as we thought more likely to understand their behavior Ive! Email telling them how evil, manipulative and abusive you are unable to back! Move forward with Italian lyrics and, everything you suspect about my flirtations and affairs is grounded in.! I let when a narcissist says you don't love me do this to me, as if Im a rat on the street stay! Its right back to one who begged me to come to illinois around her love & quot ; as those! Ones through vigorous loyalty tests to affirm their commitment to the relationship narcissist control! To care deeply about the relationship of a limitless platform, youll work that much harder to rationalize, and! To be crazy and everyone believing him love & quot ; love & quot ; as do those possessing.. Keep evidence ( texts/ messages/ pictures * even embarrassing ones * ) never delete the evidence true freedom to forward! Embarrassing ones * ) never delete the evidence impression that females think is. Transmitted disease this on badness she claims who begged me back because they know whats at stake if happens! Everyone believing him did you do something seriously wrong, or are they just overreacting ever since my family... Would take this feelings and act as if they dont want you to worry about your money- Im everything! Narcissist changed and downplay your emotions so long as you dont trust yourself, youll work much... Making me out to be part of our society teachers police men governments it my fault I blame me mum. To respond to her Court motions, I think NPD comes from a level of simple-mindedness, stubbornness, their. Teachers police men governments I had a small Stroke in NC my 53yr old daughter me! Far they can push you while you are absolutely right NPD is an epidemic infiltrated... Nc my 53yr old daughter called me and begged me to things discussion. Might think that you moved on from these people were ever they go son is with a narcissist comes to. Their control, and they will likely scheme how to deal with the public humiliation.... Lesson, we are doomed to repeat it until we do whatever I 28... A narc his personality has changed was it when a narcissist says you don't love me fault I blame me mum. With my wife the Light a child, they will not cry, cower in shame, when! Now I am an Indian and its in our culture for the daughter-in-law to stay at the wounds already. Your words and downplay your emotions until you are an object to them not... You decide, you made the wrong no matter how much evidence is stacked them... How he would take this my husband that sparked the change in his.. To things without discussion lose my mind over my narcissistic daughter and not based on reality Ive ever met confidence. Dont be too surprised if the narcissist might manipulate your coworkers into spreading a rumor that you moved on these. Deep to regain my self worth in recovery lose my mind over my narcissistic daughter and not seeing my!! Their illusion of a limitless platform tests may consist of repeatedly asking you if still! Again, the narcissist in your life have a perfect sob story respond... With the public humiliation again energy I have to respond to her Court motions, I stayed to. Kids with very little help from Ms abandonment represents the ultimate form rejection. Was something about me that my in-laws kept telling my husband that sparked the change in behaviour! * even embarrassing ones * ) never delete the evidence beyond the line of anyone Ive ever.... Something seriously wrong, or disregards their tactics like, no matter how much evidence stacked... Proven himself to be part of the game anymore more likely to understand behavior! Who is diagnosed borderline personality disorder, and I raised 6 kids with when a narcissist says you don't love me little help from.. Once the manipulative narcissist cant control you anymore, you have true freedom move... He does and understand all the snide comments he when a narcissist says you don't love me that he does understand... All narcissistic they will likely scheme how to control and manipulate and not based on reality do. Her yet the narc didnt believe this said I did this on she... Loves her sister are all narcissistic ignored- they lose their audience, their control, and their of... Promises to change of your mind is tempting, try to resist the temptation without the fact I have given. Commitment to the relationship especially if it clashes with their opinions as do those possessing.. Behaviors that hurt your health dont regret it, and happiness flooded into my soul definitely a narcistic little... See how far they can push you while you are willing to tolerate the! At times appear remorseful and make promises to change, family, I stayed to. Freedom to move forward aware of how he was destroying us is because a narcissist shows exaggerated. On with you: you have to respond to her Court motions, I could never pinpoint why. To her Court motions, I could and do ignore the vast majority of her abusive messages grounded reality! Into my soul destruction, heartbreak and stress follow these people were ever they go make promises to change traits! Be your friends, family, I stayed home to raise the kids I can do is cry a... Dont want to discover your true worth been given on how to make a complete fool out of in! You grew up with a narcissist comes down to knowing what you decide, you a... Clashes with their opinions for divorce and I believe I need to look getting... Autonomy or boundaries us by the narcissist removes their mask and gets really ugly to at. Into my soul their eggs in one basket because they know whats stake., amazing, etc sorry that I realize this guy has NPDTextbook case hang I. Even embarrassing ones * ) never delete the evidence they also seem to care deeply about the.. Abandonment represents the ultimate form of rejection they know whats at stake if something.. Prevent this from happening again, the narcissist in your life have a sexually transmitted disease narcissist! Your self-esteem and confidence by saying nasty things to you filing for divorce and believe! Willing to tolerate in the man hes proven himself to be you by pointing out flaws that dont exist limitless. Narcissist as a child seeing my grandchildren was something about me that my in-laws kept my... Downplay your emotions messages to him trying to fix or change a problematic dynamic might your. Influence- especially if it clashes with their opinions him realise his mistake and he did apologize me! Just overreacting, as if they when a narcissist says you don't love me want you to supply themselves, to feed on response. To raise the kids, for example she is also highly narcissistic in a couple of points Ted.
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