Our mission is to deliver fresh and enjoyable content. Heres to lesbians, because they have good taste. If your friends share sarcastic humor, you can only win with this one. So why not get wasted all the time, and have the time of our life." 2. May you live to be as old as your jokes." #9. MGrooms94 10 yr. ago. Wishing you more happiness than all my words can tell, not just for the holidays, but all the year as well. Ive trained my dog to bring me red wine.Its a Bordeaux collie. May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea. Heartbreak makes you wiser. The first draught a man drinks is for thirst, The second for nourishment, The third for pleasure and the fourth for madness. A quick death and an easy one. When god made man he made em out of string, He had a little left over so he left a little thing, Here's to string! Many of the toast avocado toast puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. I'll drink to the Girls who do! I improve with wine. Heres to the floor, who will hold you when no one else will. In ancient Greece, cheersing while drinking has been an important tradition. Heres to the land of the shamrock so green, And heres to each lad and his darlin'Colleen, Heres to the ones we love dearest and most. May the mist of Irish magic shorten every road. So, fill your glass with anything and damn your souls, Ill drink it. It is best to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, ones present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason. Here are 103 funny drinking quotes that will have the room buzzing. How does a man show that he is planning for the future? When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Life's a waste of time and time's a waste of life. 21. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks, and the woman listens. May the lilt of Irish laughter lighten every load. A guy walks into a bar and yells, "All lawyers are assholes.". And if you drink, may you drink with me. Tomorrow is the first page of a new book. Well explore them together for a life filled with love, joy, and fun. Heres to love, laughter, and happily ever after. A Everyone Media Group company. Traditionally, the act of clinking glasses before taking a drink is believed to have originated from warriors. 6. When I love them, I let them. 40. Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. Four blessings upon you. Share them with your friends: 100 Best Corona memes and jokes, which will make you laugh, 315 Best Tongue Twisters (Easy, Hard, Funny, for Kids), 357 Funny Insults and Comebacks (Useful in Every Situation). Beer doesnt have many vitamins, thats why you have to drink lots of it. May their mothers be beautiful and their fathers wealthy. For if anything drives men to drink, she certainly can do it. 79.) Still, standing up, lifting your glass, and making eye contact with those you are toasting before speaking is often customary. Whether you need a break during your busy day or a good laugh, Box of Puns is the ultimate destination for humor. Therefore beer is salad. The best ships are friendships and to those, we drink. Heres to beer in the glass and vodka in the cup and to pokin her in the ass so she wont get knocked up. Here's to doing and drinking, not sitting and thinking. 4. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer.Abraham Lincoln, Why do I drink Champagne for breakfast? Heres to champagne for our real friends, and real pain to our sham friends. Im giving up drinking until Christmas!Sorry, bad punctuation.Im giving up, drinking until Christmas! 82.) 10. So lets get wasted all of the time, and have the time of our life. that stays forever after. May your heart be light and happy. Heres to It, And to It again. But the ocean's not beer and I'm not a duck, so let's drink these pints and get messed up. 32. Heres to the nights well never remember with the friends well never forget. Here's to you and here's to me, Friends may we always be! May you live for as long as you want, and never want for as long as you live! When you feel like crap from drinking wine, its called the grape depression. Fuc-King! To the kisses weve snatched, and vice versa. Shes lost her cherry but it doesnt mean a thing, cause shes still got the box that the cherry came in. And vodka makes you not remember any of that. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. 35.) Heres to hell. Paddy brags: "You know, I've had every woman in this town. Here's to you here's to me, may we never disagree. So fill your glass with anything And damn your souls, Ill drink it! May the hinges of our friendship never grow rusty. To our best friends, who know the most about us, but refuse to believe it. Be warned, though: a few may not be suitable for all audiences, so choose wisely. Tea lovers will enjoy these tea quotes and sayings. Everyone else: . Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. May you live as long as you like, And have all you like as long as you live. BloonWars 10 yr. ago. What do you call a guy whos had too much to drink?A cab. Heres to lobster tail and beer. Happy birthday. | What's New | 18.) Chill for best results. Heres to the big bull in the wood.He does the cows and heifers good.If it werent for his long, long rod,Then what would we do for beef, by God? What have eight arms and an IQ of 60? I'm s. ListCaboodle - Fun, Informative, And Cool Stories In List Format. 12. May you always remember to fight with two words, Yes, dear.. We have only today. Q: What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol? To hell: May the stay there be as fun as the way there. May the roof over your head be always strong. Roses are red, violets are blue. "May you live as . May it all be mine. -Sheik, 4. Heres to the woman who wears the red shoes. 3.) The joy of a thousand angels to you. But the oceans not beer, and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. 12. I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. 11. 22.) May your net worth be like Ireland's capital, always Dublin. My favorite has to be: Heres to hell, hope my stay there is as fun as my way there, To the men over sees and to the women on their knees, Heres to two things I dont fuck with, rattle snakes and condoms, Heres to courage. Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. http://davidlawmusic.com/blog/2013/9/27/collection-of-drinking-toasts A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, Hey, we have a drink named after you! The grasshopper says, You have a drink named Kevin?. 2. May our children be blessed with rich parents. And learned if you drink too much, its likely tequil-ya. I wish you good luck so that it never stops, love that does not get bored, and money that does not end. Here's to love, laughter, and a happily ever after. The test of Gold is Fire The test of Truth is Time The test of Gods love are the heavens above and everything sublime. Start a bachelor party or any celebration at the bar with this winning poetic but funny toast. Few of us want to hear a long boring toast. If youre nervous about meeting new people, a funny toast can help put everyone at ease. Happy Birthday. Best. And if you fight, may you fight for a brother. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. One bottle for four of us, Thank God there's no more of us! How do you know if someone likes craft beer? When we get drunk, we fall asleep. Cop: Have you been out drinking?Me: Uh yeah, Im 28, Ive been out drinking literally hundreds of times.. The kindness you spread, keep returning to you. As one of the most brilliant minds once said, Stay hungry. You may also enjoy the following drinking lists: 2017-2023 Michael & Gabriel, Inc. - All Rights Reserved. Take everything in moderation including moderation. Let us toast to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof and instant coffee, to unemployment insurance and library cards, to absinthe and good-hearted landlords, to music and warm bodies and contraceptives and to the good life, whatever it is and wherever it happens to be. Heres a toast to all the liquor well drink tonight and the coffee well drink tomorrow. "Good Lord, he's done it again!". Nothing, it just let out a little wine. Check out our collection of 100+ party games for all ages! Heres to marriage. Heres to the glass we love to sip, It dries many a pensive tear; Tis not so sweet as a womans lip but a damned sight more sincere. May all of your ups and downs be only in the bedroom. Never underestimate the power you have to take your life in a new direction. "Life is a waste of time. To Astra!!! Upon closer examination, though, he sees that someone has written on the note: So did I., 48.) Here's to milk, eggs, bread, and cinnamon. What a snatch! May the roof over your head be always strong. #6. May you get so drunk that you think your problems are your greatest assets. 17.) Thats all for now, I gotta pee. In ancient times, friends would share drinks from a communal cup, and cheering was a way to show trust in one another and the drinks purity. So fine and divine, they bleed every month, and bear every nine. She steals all your money and drinks all your booze. Sure let me grab my license. If God wanted us sober, He'd knock the glass . Heres to the big bull in the woods. And to make an end is to make a beginning. I drank to your health alone. "To our wives and girlfriends. 29. 9. Heres to those who have seen us at our best and seen at our worst and cant tell the difference. Get excited about the future. But a whiskey glass and a fat girls ass are home sweet home to me. I used to know a clever toast. Here is to love that never grows old, and if it does, lets hope by that time were too old to leave each other and start new marriages. May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers! The past is always tense, the future perfect. Heres to wine, wit, and wisdom. Choose your words wisely. When we drink, we get drunk. On your birthday, remember: dont drink and tattoo. Some are more casual, while others are formal. It is better to spend money like theres no tomorrow Then to spend tonight like theres no money. When we drink to the usual, we "Here's to women, beer and song, may none of them be flat." 3. Heres to bread because, without bread, theres no toast. May you live to wholeheartedly follow your bliss, and follow your bliss to live wholeheartedly. Dance like nobodys watching. Hey bartender, I need a beer. Humorous birthday toasts. Don't live the same year 75 times and call it a life. "May we all be alive at this same time next year." "May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live." "May the best day of your past be the worst day of your future." I drank to your health in company. A common one before shotgunning in Alabama is 1,2,3 Robert E. Lee 3,2,1 south shoulda won, We fuck em up, we fuck em down, we fuck their friends when theyre not around, and when theyre dead but not forgotten we dig em up and fuck em rotten. So fine and divine, they bleed every month, and bear every nine. Heres to the husbands whove won you, the losers whove lost you, and the lucky bastards whove yet to meet you. -Nick Mercer, 3. Bartender says, Off the wagon again?, 59.) A beer in each hand. Whether youre heading out on the town or day drinking during a lockdown, youll find just the right line to share with your friends. Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer I saw the video we need to talk. It is customary to take a sip of your drink when someone toasts you. 2023 Box of Puns. Everyone has their own path, fortunately mine leads to the liquor store. - Rodney Dangerfield. Beers so frothy, smooth and cold; Its paradise, pure liquid gold. Work like you dont need the money. May we all have the chance to prove that money cant make us happy. If it does, lets hope were too old to leave each other and start new marriages. It said, You drink too much.. But never forget to remember the things that made you glad. But heres to the girls most of all, Who says they never will: I cant. Your glass with anything and damn your souls, Ill drink it for four of us Thank... Are 103 funny drinking quotes that will have the time, and Im not a duck, so lets wasted... Your bliss, and never want for as long as you want, and fourth. 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